In my blog ‘my worst flare-up experiences part 3′ I mentioned briefly about the experience I had living in a house share which only lasted two months.
I was so glad to be back in London. I was closer to my job; my church community and I had finally felt optimistic about getting my life back on track after living temporarily at my mum’s due to issues I had in my previous home.
From the beginning I was quite reserved around my housemates and found it difficult to integrate with them, so I just got on and did my own thing. Upon meeting them, one of the housemates commented on my hands being ‘very dry’. I didn’t bother to go in depth, instead, I just looked at her and said, ‘yeah I know they are’ and tried to avoid any further reference about it.
Just before moving in I had a major flare up, It had settled down by the time I moved in but there were still the odd dead skin flakes and as much as I knew that this would have an effect on others (especially having to share facilities like the bathroom), I tried to be mindful and clear up anything visible. Sadly, this was not enough.
One month after moving in, I was contacted by the landlady. She wanted to arrange a day and time to meet. On meeting with her, she informed me that the other housemates had complained directly to her about me. I was really shocked as no one spoke to me directly and I wasn’t aware that I may have offended anyone. The complaints were due to dead skin flakes in the bathroom, stairway and apparently even in the fridge! (although, I know that one was complete exaggeration), and as a result, I was given 2 months’ notice to move out.
I was so angry, and Immediately I started to cry in frustration. Firstly, I signed up for a 12-month agreement and secondly, I had only been there for a month! I was devastated. My life was just starting to get back to normal and as a way of celebrating, I had even booked a holiday to Portugal the previous day!
You’re probably thinking why didn’t I take this up as a legal matter? Well, I did think about it briefly but then I decided, I didn’t want to live somewhere where I wasn’t wanted. Plus, even if I did take legal actions, what would have been the conclusion? If I had won, then I ‘d still been living in the same house with the same people who complained about me.
The following day I couldn’t even bring myself to go into work due to lack of sleep and distress, so I immediately started searching for new accommodation and 9 days after I was given the news, I put down the deposit on my current accommodation and moved in within a couple of weeks.
Although I found a new home fairly quickly, there was so much stress behind the whole experience. There was the process of repacking and moving everything out, also the financial aspect of moving i.e. raising another deposit and a month’s rent in advance. I also had to pay admin fees twice to my car insurance company plus the insurance premium increased on both occasions.
Whilst waiting to move into my new home, I didn’t talk to anyone in the house and never announced my moving date. The day I moved out only one housemate was there and I didn’t even say goodbye.
Unfortunately, I had built up a negative approach and attitude towards my new housemates. The thoughts that came to my mind were:
- ‘I did not move here to make friends’
- ‘Only do small talk with these people’
- ‘Do not get too friendly with anyone’
- ‘Just get on and do your own thing’
I truly regret my negative thinking and I wished I handled this differently. I am aware I can be reserved at times, but I am not the type of person who likes to cut people off completely. However, I was completely torn apart inside and just wanted to protect myself.
Based on my story, I have learnt the following:
- Do not avoid or become reserved with people based on bad experiences. Due to me behaving like this, I didn’t realise that I was automatically building a barrier which restricted potential friendships. These barriers may have prevented opportunities for me to help or have an impact on someone. Also, this may prevented opportunities of someone helping or having an impact on me.
- Seek help on how to overcome rejection properly, whether it be from a trusted family member, friend or even professional help such as a counsellor or pastor. I did not seek any professional help during this time, not even my own pastors/elders at church. The opportunity was there but I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
- Research on different strategies on how to change negative thoughts into positive ones. Our minds need to constantly be renewed in order to think positive. (Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:8-9)
- Forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead. (Philippians 3:13, Isiah 43:18)
- Never take revenge on others but instead, Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19)
- Be kind to people and tender-hearted and forgive each other (Ephesians 4:32). Being resentful, bitter and unforgiveness does not help. This behaviour eats you up inside physically, mentally. Secondly, unforgiveness will make it more difficult to give, help or bless people.
- Be humble patient, gentle bearing with one another in love. (Colossians 3:13)
- Unfortunately, not everyone in this world is perfect. There are times when I wish people all had the same thinking and mindset but sadly this is not the case. So have learnt to be patient to everyone. At the end of the day, everyone has been broken/hurt in some way in the past, which may be why we end up hurting each other.
I do have some positive things following this story. I now pay less rent, have an ensuite bathroom (I made this top priority when searching) and have a much better landlord. So again, THINGS WORK TOGETHER ACCORDING TO PURPOSE (Romans 8:28)
Sometimes challenges happen which can then turn into something beautiful in the end. Also, I managed to move in before the holiday that I had booked so after all the stress was able to enjoy sunny Portugal!
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
19My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
3Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them